Aren't we ALL a little autistic?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this. And it never feels good. And no, we aren't all a little autistic. Our community jokes that it's like saying to someone who's pregnant: well, aren't we ALL a little bit pregnant? Nope. No. Not even a little.

So, what does it actually mean to be autistic? After my diagnosis, I went digging... deep. And here's what I found. Being autistic isn't caused by any outside stimulus (Sorry, RFK, but you're wrong). We don't become autistic from vaccines. We don't become autistic from allergens, or weird water, or any other outside factors. We are autistic because of GENETICS. And our autistic genes have been around since the dawn of time. We don't think like everyone else so it's probably the autistic people who got us out of the trees and the caves and started building homes and plumbing...

So, back to that question... what makes us autistic (or not)?

Our synapses in our braaaains. Nothing more, nothing less. The majority of humans shed a pretty high percentage of their neural synapses. For those of us who are born autistic (and yes, those of us who are autistic are BORN autistic, cue Lady Gaga), we don't prune as many neural synapses. That's it. That's all. Now, people have SO many opinions about our community... and many don't even believe that autistic adults exist. Wait?! You don't become neurotypical when you turn 18? (and the answer to this is also no. Nope. Nah.) A lot of us just get a little better at PRETENDING to not be who we are. Because we learn EARLY on that our differences might make people want to avoid us... so, we pretend. It's what we call masking... and it's why so many of us grow up to be depressed and anxious and feeling more alone than ever.

So, there's a movement... and I've joined it. To speak up. For ourselves. For children. For those who can't. For those who don't want to. For adults like me, we were missed... we were not diagnosed at a young age... we twisted ourselves into so many pretzels that we soon forgot who we really were... And then came the dreaded diagnosis... FINALLY, the right one... Dun! Dun! DUUUUN!!!! Iiiii'm AUTISTIC?? Ok, now what? One of the MANY reasons I've become so public about FINALLY understanding myself is because I felt SO alone my entire life. And for the FIRST time in my life, I KNOW I'm not alone. And, I started connecting to other autistic adults... I found their videos... I found their podcasts. I've read their books... and for the first time in my life, I understand that I AM part of a community. I tried SO hard to fit in... I was a VERY square peg trying to force myself into a VERY round hole... and I always ended up broken and confused and more alone than before. So, for those children or adults who are continuing to be mistreated (and it is way more frequent than I like to have to admit), I am speaking out. Maybe someone will hear what I have to say and understand a little better or not feel so alone. (you're not alone).

So, when someone sees me making eye contact and thinks, she can't be autistic... or sees me speaking in front of a crowd... or, or, or... please know that there are SO many myths about us. Are there autistics who don't make eye contact? Yes. Are there those who do, like me? Yes. Are there those who have difficulty meeting new people? (raises hand)... and are those same people very comfortable speaking in front of a crowd? (raises hand again). Before you think you understand who we are and what makes us unique, listen to us. Listen to our stories. Don't listen to allistics (non-autistics) who base their understanding on their OBSERVATIONS of who we are. Those "experts" are basing their descriptions of us on the historical (since around WWI) observations of WHITE BOYS. Understand that the experts are actually autistic adults. Before you support an organization, make certain it is primarily run by actually autistic adults. Otherwise, I promise you, the organization is doing more harm than good.

Listen to the adults who are speaking out. We are not all the same... We all have lots and lots of neural connections... and for that reason, we experience the world VERY differently... dare to look. Dare to listen. Ask us questions (but, not, aren't we all a little autistic?) And be open to hearing the answers. And be open to knowing that what we have to say is much more accurate than what observers have to say about us...

We want you to listen. So, please listen.