Autistic People Are Here to Stay (and thank goodness!)

When it was first announced that a registry of autistic folx was going to be created, my first response was fear. I pulled down this blog and, in a panicked state, tried to think about ways that I could scrub my existence from the internet. Then, my cooler mind prevailed and I realized that standing up and out and open against this is the very thing I need to do. For our community, for myself, and especially for the many autistic children who are still so deeply misunderstood.

As is often my way, it's time for me to get louder. Please take a moment to watch a work I created that is about my autistic experience (video below). Keep in mind that while we (the autistic community) experience many similar things, we are also not a monolith and every experience is different. Just as it is in the neurotypical world. There's a reason they call it a spectrum. My experiences (and what I've created in this work) are that I have really heightened senses. I have always been able to hear music CRYSTAL CLEAR in my mind. So clearly sometimes that my ears vibrate, even when there isn't sound happening in the air. I can sense things at a really high level. I can physically feel the energy around me... it's palpable. Which makes being in crowds almost untenable... except when I'm at concerts. When the crowd is listening together to music, then the feeling is euphoric. I have never taken hard drugs, but I've heard people describe the feeling and it sounds similar to what daily life can feel like to me. And it matches almost exactly what I feel when I listen to music. I feel music in my bloodstream... throughout my body... it's why I've dedicated my life to creating music... it's literally where my body belongs... if I don't listen to music for several days, my body experiences depression and anxiety and a feeling like I'm "falling apart". Music literally keeps me whole. Music is my breath. My partner claims that my body is made up of music... And sometimes I think that he is right.

Music has been scientifically proven to "order" the brain. This is especially true for me. And I think, for the autistic community (autistic friends, please feel free to weigh in) this is especially true. Our brains have so many neural pathways. More than most humans... One positive is that we can consider things from multiple angles. A negative is that we don't have a filter... and life can quickly become overwhelming when we don't have time to process everything around us... and then our bodies can start to shut down when it's too much... and that feels horrible, and it can be dangerous, especially when we need our bodies to work.

I think often about adult, black, autistic men. Life is particularly not safe for them and the likelihood for misunderstanding is much higher than for their white counterparts. This is another reason I choose to speak up. It's one small way I can use my white privilege.

So, for better or worse... take this as you will. But, it's time for me get louder... about being autistic, about what it's like... about my struggles... about the positives (yes, there are positives to being autistic).

We are not a disease. We are human beings. And the world is a much better place because of our natural neurodiversity.